


I'll Look At You

by Lidsworth



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gore, M/M, Masochism, Sadism, Sadistic Kaneki, Self Harm, Tears, Unrequited Love, have mercy, masochistic tsukiyama, my first attempt at a threesome with these three, onesided shuuneki, tsukihidekane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 17:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4754312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Hide watches Shuu be beaten down by Kaneki, he begins to question the ghoul's self-worth. There's something very unsettling about the way that Tsukiyama allows Kaneki to tear him apart.<br/>It's sickening just how far some people will go to be noticed by the ones they love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Look At You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little ficlet I did kinda. I think that Hide would have an issue with Kaneki beating up Shuu, and would have more of an issue with Shuu allowing it. So I just wanted to write something along the lines of it. This didn't stay along the lines of where it was supposed to go, but I thought I might as well post it! Beware of grammar mistakes!

Hide observes from the backyard porch as Shuu shrills with enticement with every crimson kagune blade that embeds itself into his body. The blond cringes at the sound of ivory bones cracking, and elastic tendons snapping as Kaneki proceeded to scramble Shuu's insides to a pulp.

 

The older ghoul has lost quite obviously, and if he had an ounce of sense left in that masochistic brain of his, then he would have called 'uncle' the second Kaneki had him on the ground. But no, he encourages Kaneki's sadism with his squeals of delight, and at the same time, further increases his risk of permanent brain damage (though Hide wonders if he already is brain damaged).

 

Hide wants to listen to his music in order to hopefully cancel out the string of, “Kaaaaaaneeekiii-kuuuuunnnss” that Shuu has grown so accustomed to gurgling, and the bloody gurgling itself, but when Kaneki begins to crack his knuckles, the blond knows he must put an end to this “training” session immediately.

 

Swinging his legs forward and throwing himself off of his seat, Hide treads towards the blood bath before him.

 

Kaneki's rinkaku recedes to the ground as the blond approaches, though small tentacle crawl towards Hide's ankles, securing them in a loose fashion in an attempt to keep him from moving forward. Though Hide kicks them off—like he always does, and proceeds to walk until the soles of his shoes are slick against the red blades of grass.

 

“That's enough man, don't ya think?” Hide suggest as he steps in between them, “I think Shuu's already all beaten down.”

 

“H..Hide k-kun?”  
  
Both look down at the mess on the ground, though Hide doesn't say anything, only places a gentle hand on Kaneki's chest. Though the ghoul can sense the warning in his human's demanour.

 

“Kaneki, Hinami was having some trouble with her books a while ago, I think she could really use your help,” Hide speaks as his eyes stay locked on the bloody ghoul.

 

Kaneki takes notice of this, and narrows his gaze at the two of them, the distrust rolling off of him like sea foam. Ever since Hide moved into the flat, Kaneki hadn't trusted him around any of the ghouls. Though more specifically, Shuu. Understandably, Hide had become the prime victim of Shuu's jealousy. Though through the months they'd grown quite fond of one another.

 

Still, Kaneki is weary.

 

“It's alright man, besides, I don't think he'll live for another five seconds if you're still here,” warm eyes acknowledge Kanekis' distrust, though still stay locked on the bloody mess on the ground.

 

“He's a ghoul,” recants Kaneki, “he'll heal.”

 

“And you're a half ghoul,” Counters Hide, “You're stronger. Listen, It's not like I don't enjoy your blood bath, man...wait, no, I don't enjoy it. There's something wrong with the two of you “training” until the other can't move anymore,” Hide drags his stern gaze upwards and towards Kaneki's puzzled expression, “This stops now.”

 

“Hide, we can heal ju-”  
  
“Heal?” Hide's voice takes a skeptical approach as he again draws his gaze to Shuu, who's sockets now reveal the solid...blacks of his eyes, and who's lazy smile trickles with a thin stream of blood, “He doesn't look like he's healing to me Kaneki.”

 

“Because it takes time,” responds Kaneki, now to the point where the ignorance of his obvious sadism disturbs Hide. Since reuniting with his best friend, Hide knew things were different. He knew that Kaneki had changed. But to what extent, he wasn't exactly sure. At least now he was getting some insight.

 

“So does justifying torture,” arraigns the blond.

 

He doesn't miss the way that Kaneki's face melts into a thousand apologies the moment the word “torture” escapes his lips, nor does he miss the way that his olive eyes seem to return to normal as he looks in between the human and the ghoul, trying to pinpoint when exactly Shuu had fallen.

 

Hide feels bad, just a little though. It's better that he tells him exactly what he's observed now, rather than keeping it to himself and letting it get worse later on. Kaneki wordlessly scurries away from the two, looking back occasionally over his shoulder until he enters the flat, where he can no longer see them.

 

“Now,” Hide comes back to the half dead ghoul, kneeling down beside him just so he can get a better look at his injuries, “Why do you let him do this to you Tsukiyama? You know, I used to think you were just letting him win because you felt bad for him, but it's pretty obvious that you two are fair game.”

 

“Kaneki..kuunnn...why must you always walk away...” mutters the ghoul, who painfully cairns his neck in the direction of the porch and looks as if Kaneki is still there, looking back at the two of them.

 

Hide sighs. He understands now.

 

It's foolish to think that Shuu's jealousy has evaporated just because the two of them have become friends. Shuu's mind is much more complex than that. Hide hates to admit it, but between he and Shuu, Kaneki never looked at the latter, his gaze was full sun rays and sunlight.

 

It has to be hard for Shuu.

 

“Shuu, are you letting Kaneki beat you up because you think it will make him like you?” Hide approaches the topic softly, going as far as using Tsukiyama's first name in order to ease the tension, “Are you trying to get his attention.”

 

On any other day, Hide's questioning would no doubt offend Tsukiyama, just as any other self revealing accusation did the ghoul. But now it's different, he's bleeding out, and his skull has suffered severe damage from the fight with Kaneki that should have ended when it started.

 

He's not in control of his words or his actions, his mind is somewhere else, stuck in between regrowing brain cells and a painful past. And Hide almost feels guilty for manipulating him like this, when Shuu would no doubt like to keep his insecurities to himself.

 

“Dad...please look at me...Kaneki...please...” he mutters, “look at me.”

 

It then dawns upon Hide that Shuu is a spoiled brat, who's only source of attention either came in the form of money or servants. His father was never there—in person yes, but as a father, no.

 

He'd been craving intimate attention for his entire life, and to finally have it from someone he admired, only to have it taken away had to have caused Shuu in unimaginable amount of pain.

 

Hide's ears perk up at the sound of bones snapping back together, and tendons mending themselves back into one. Kaneki was right, he is healing. But it still doesn't excuse his friend's actions.

 

Tsukiyama seems as if he's just woken from a coma, caught in between the world of dreams and reality. He sits up slowly, and his eyes revert to their camouflaged state.

 

“Hide-kun...I must have been dreaming, I though I heard you..”  
  
“Yeah, I was talking,” Hide cuts to the chase much to Shuu's dismay. Perhaps he believed that dismissing the entire conversation off as dream would dissuade Hide from continuing, but it does the exact opposite.

 

“You can't let Kaneki do this to you, this isn't the way to get his attention,” Hide stands to his feet as he begins to speak, and extends a free hand to Shuu, “this isn't a way to get anyone's attention.”  
  
Tsukiyama is quick to defend himself, “I think you're mistaken, Hide-kun, it was a simple spar. You're taking th-”  
  
“A simple spar? A simple spar isn't letting Kaneki beat the crap out of you until he starts reliving his time with Aogiri. A spar isn't letting yourself be beat down until you're bag of blood, Tsukiyama. Neither of you are getting any stronger, you're just getting sicker,” with his arms now crossed firmly across his chest, Hide attempts to keep his voice steady, but it's irritating being the only one out of their unfortunate trio who seems to be able to hold an ounce of sanity, “No wonder you two are like this, you're encouraging each others bad behaviors..”

 

There's a silence, in which Shuu's eyes follow the same hurt expression as Kaneki's did when Hide called him out. The blond sighs and resumes his place beside Shuu.

 

Tsukiyama looks away sadly, Hide speaks the truth. He just doesn't want to knowledge it. Doesn't want to acknowledge that he's just a lonely boy trying to fill the hole that his father should have filled years ago.

 

“Hey Shuu,” Hide's voice garners his solemn gaze, though at the sight of the blond's soft eyes, Shuu begins to melt. It's so unnerving to have his insecurities laid out before the world like this, yet at the same time, it's nice to be accepted despite all of his imperfections.

 

“It's alright,” continues the blond, “I'll give you all the attention in the world. I'll always look at you.”

 

By now, Shuu is gone. His gaze is watery, and his head is against Hide's shoulder. Though he cries, for the first time in his life, he feels wanted.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Um...Idk where I was going with this, It wasn't supposed to end like this. OOC I guess? Just a little? Anyway, something I wanted to get off of my chest. It's just a jumble of words I suppose! I know that Kaneki isn't this bad! But I wanted to write what it would be like if he was. Anyway, hope you liked it, happy labor day, and God bless!


End file.
